By Pat McDonell

Socrates and Odysseus sit down for dinner at the Red Lobster in Kampala, Uganda.

Socrates: Thank you, Odysseus for meeting me here for our discussion. I am rather partial to beer-battered crab legs.

Odysseus: It is my pleasure, believe me. Nothing good has come of my raids on this continent. Some of my men were trampled by large, gray cattle with tusks. Others were eaten by cannibals in the jungle. Your dinner invitation was a very welcome surprise.

Socrates: Ah, my friend. From what I have heard, there is little to find in the jungles here but bugs and disease. You are not wise to go on your raids out in the wilderness. It is dangerous and there is little to gain.

Odysseus: Well perhaps you should have told me that before setting me up with that Athenian tour guide you know. He led me all through these jungles for nothing until he was killed by one of those large river lizards.

Socrates: I believe you are referring to croco…

Idi Amin spots them in the restaurant and sits down with them without invitation.

Amin: Why hello friends. I see you are enjoying the fine cuisine of Uganda this evening.

Odysseus: I hope the food is better than the rest of this blasted country.

Socrates: Why Odysseus, we mustn’t be so harsh. We are only foreigners unaccustomed to this land.

Amin: That is right. You will see. Uganda is a beautiful country. We have beautiful people as well. I will show you sometime.

Socrates: That sounds fantastic. How go things in your fine country these days?

Amin: This is a new age for Uganda. We are working to remove those who would halt the progress of our great nation, so that our advance into the future may be undeterred.

Socrates: I see. I do hope this isn’t another massacre like the ones this continent has seen all too many of.

Amin: In any country there must be people who have to die. They are the sacrifices any nation has to make to achieve law and order. (Wikipedia)

Odysseus: I absolutely agree. The deaths of the weak are often necessary to secure the futures of the strong. (Homer 243)

Socrates: Now this is interesting. I believe that it is wrong to simply kill off the weak merely for your own personal benefit.In fact, I see it as more detrimental to both of you to commit these wrongs against others than it is to those you inflict pain and suffering upon. What do the two of you think? Is it better to wrong or to be wronged? (Plato 106)

Odysseus: The way I see it, I would much rather commit these crimes to defend my house than suffer like the weak. It is far better to fight than to give in. I will preserve my power and position and provide a good life for my family. (Homer 440)

Socrates: I agree that one should provide for his family and protect his assets, but to what extent? Would you wrong another person for your pleasure?

Odysseus: I would take from the weak to preserve the strong and just. That is why I go on raids. I need to preserve my family and estate. Without the loot from my raids, I would not have the power and renown that I am famous throughout Greece for.

Socrates: This is true, but let me ask you a question. Do you believe in xenia, or hospitality, as a worthy principle to live by?

Odysseus: Undoubtedly.

Socrates: And if another were to come onto your estate, you would be a gracious host and expect him to show you an equal amount of respect, would you not?

Odysseus: That is true. I would.

Socrates: And were your guest to take advantage of your hospitality and rob you of your possessions, you would punish him for his violation. Is this true?

Odysseus: It is. It has happened to me before, and the perpetrators were justly punished.

Socrates: Now, you agree that at present, your son Telemakhos is not yet the powerful man that you are, correct?

Odysseus: Yes, he is not quite as strong as his father yet.

Socrates: If you were away and that same guest took advantage of Telemakhos’s weakness by robbing your household, you would consider him to have wronged you and see that he was punished, right?

Odysseus: Yes.

Socrates: And you acknowledge that that would be a completely unjust thing to do and that it would be a grave violation of hospitality.

Odysseus: Yes. I do.

Socrates: Than with our discussion thus far, you would agree that taking advantage of the weaknesses of others by raiding and robbing them would be wrong and a violation of hospitality. This would mean that when you raid other lands, you are offending your gods and their idea of xenia, correct?

Odysseus: I suppose.

Socrates: Do you believe that those who do wrong and offend the gods are sent to Tartarus when they pass into the underworld?

Odysseus: I do.

Socrates: You know then that Tartarus is a horrible place in which the worst punishments imaginable are dealt out to the wicked and the damned. As examples I would mention Tantalus and Sisyphus. Those two offended the gods greatly and were punished for their offenses. Now would you say that it is far better to suffer temporarily on earth than to suffer eternally in Tartarus? (Plato 113)

Odysseus: Yes. That is what I believe.

Socrates: So, we seem to have come to the conclusion that you are better off suffering wrong than going on raiding and pillaging as you are and paying for it with eternal damnation.

Odysseus: I do understand your point, and I believe that you may be right. Perhaps it is time for me to retire.

Amin: I see how all this relates to such inhuman acts as raiding and pillaging, but what does this have to do with the way in which I run my country? Earlier you seemed to criticize me for the actions I am taking to ensure Uganda’s stability and progress.

Socrates: It relates to you in that you have also violated xenia and offended the God of Abraham.

Amin: And how exactly have I done that?

Socrates: You, like Odysseus, are guilty of taking what you want from people because you can. Odysseus robs them of riches and livestock. You take their lives.

Amin: I am no murderer! I am responsible with preserving the well-being of my country. The things I do are necessities to keep the country from falling into chaos. My nation is light-years ahead of chaotic Rwanda or uncivilized Zaire. My mission is to lead the country out of a bad situation of corruption, depression and slavery. After I rid the country of these vices, I will then organize and supervise a general election of a genuinely democratic civilian government. (Wikipedia) Until then, I will do what my country requires of me.

Socrates: However, my friend. With the course of our debate thus far, we seem to have come to the conclusion that to take things from others, be it life or possession, is a violation of respect for that person and therefore wrong.

Amin: Even if such a wrong is committed to preserve the people?

Socrates: No. But an action to preserve the people would not be a wrong in the first place if absolutely necessary. However, unless you knew that such an action was absolutely necessary, it would undoubtedly be wrong and detrimental to your soul.

Odysseus: I agree. I would never call for the death of someone on my island without a just purpose. (Homer 420)

Socrates: Such an action would be a grave violation of the Koran, which you hold sacred.

Amin: Yes. I understand. And from the previous discussion, we’ve established that I would be much better off enduring the injustices that would be done to a weak leader than to commit atrocities. However, I am content that the actions which I am taking to ensure a bright future for Uganda are just. You have established your point. Raiding, pillaging, and murder display a lack of respect for the human person, and it is not justified by the victim being weaker or more vulnerable. These wrongs offend God and will lead to punishments far more severe than the crime itself. Therefore it is better to suffer wrongs and injustices, than to commit them.

Socrates: My friend, is there any way that I can persuade you to look at your actions, so that you might see any of the faults you may have committed?

Amin: I see no fault in anything I have done.

Socrates: I think that your “removal” of those who you believe are bad for the country is a way for you to eliminate your political rivals and assert your control over those less powerful. I have not seen your national cleansing operation first hand, so I…

Amin: I will say that you haven’t! Perhaps you have forgotten Socrates that you are in my company in my country. I will not tolerate such blatant disrespect. I am offended. I have done nothing wrong in the governing of Uganda, and I will let no silly rhetorician or philosopher tell me my own business. You have made your points, and I have enjoyed being a part of this dialogue. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a country to run.

Idi Amin storms out of the restaurant. Patrick McDonell, recently laid off from his job at Frank Howard Allen Realtors and took a job at Red Lobster as a waiter, comes to take the orders.

Odysseus: Well, he was rather rude I think.

Socrates: That man is a danger to himself and anyone he has control over.

Patrick: What’ll it be gentlemen?

Socrates: I’ll have the beer-battered crab legs. Extra tartar sauce please.

After leaving Red Lobster, Odysseus and Socrates went their separate ways. Odysseus went back to his island of Ithaka and lived to a ripe old age as the goddess Athena promised. Socrates met an early demise when he was sentenced to death by Athenian judges. Idi Amin ruled Uganda for eight years. In those eight years, it is estimated that he had anywhere from 100,000 to 500,000 people killed. He was overthrown in a coup in 1979 and was forced to flee Uganda. He died in exile in Saudi Arabia in 2003. (Wikipedia) Works Cited Carne-Ross, D. S. The Odyssey. Trans. Robert Fitzgerald. New York: Farrar, Straus & Giroux, 1998. Hamilton, Walter, trans. Gorgias. Ed. Chris Emlyn-Jones. New York: Penguin Group (USA) Incorporated, 2004. "Idi Amin." Wikipedia. 14 Dec. 2008. 14 Dec. 2008 Peiser, Andrew, and Michael Serber. Our World. New York: AMSCO, 1995.