When my uncle Colin attempted to take his own life, he almost took away all of the good times we’d had together. When I was young, my uncle was one of the most influential people in my life. He loved cars and I wanted to learn more about cars. He rooted for the Nascar driver Jeff Gordon and I wanted to root for him too. He took care of his collection of rare Matchbox cars, not taking them out of their original boxes and such, and I wanted to take care of mine as well. I wanted to be just like him and without him, I wouldn’t be the person I am today.
When I was little he would come to my family’s house every few days to say hello and catch up and things. Since I started to love cars and love playing with die-cast ones all the time, he offered to take me to the store sometimes to look at cars and spend time together. Occasionally, he would buy me a few cars to add to my collection, or give me some from his personal collection and tell me about the car, its history, and some interesting things about it. I loved when he did this because it showed me how much he cared for me to share his time, money, and passions with me. Every time he bought a new one off of eBay or some other store, he would ask me if I wanted to see it, and explain to me how he bought it, what kind of car it is, and that kind of thing.
I noticed some strange things about him and the things he did, but never questioned for a long time. For example, he constantly changed the station and I always wondered why. Finally, I asked him what kind of music he liked just to see if that was why he did this. He responded with, “Anything happy, anything upbeat and easy to listen to.” I wasn’t sure at the time exactly what this meant, but I decided not to ask. Another thing he always did, but I never asked about, is constantly tell me that I’m just like my father, which I found strange but also good because my dad is a great person, but it wasn’t something I was used to hearing.
As I grew older, I saw my uncle less and less as he was in a new relationship that he didn’t want to mess up like his first marriage. Every once in a while my family would visit him and his new family to catch up and have dinner, the kind of things he used to come to our house for. He used to like playing Nascar video games, another thing I got into because of him, and when I was there we used to race each other and reminisce about the times when he used to buy me cars and show me his collection. After a few months of this, the times we went over to his house grew scarcer, to the point where I hadn’t seen him in over a year.
It was a normal day; my family and I were eating at the local yogurt shop with my uncle and aunt of the other side of my family. We got a call that my uncle had been hospitalized due to a self-inflicted stab wound. We rushed to the hospital to see him and see his condition. When we arrived we saw many other family members there for the same thing we were. We were informed that his relationship with his girlfriend had come to an abrupt end, and that his depression had worsened in the proceeding days, leading up to the incident.
While I was in the waiting room I thought back to all of the good times I had with my uncle. I remembered back to his choice of music, being positive to keep him in a good mood. I wondered about the reason for wanting to spend time with me in the first place. I thought maybe my parents encouraged him to spend time with me because it was one of the few things he found joy in. I wished I could’ve been there with my Uncle to lift his spirits, to allow him to think about the things that brought him happiness in his life.
Since then, I rarely see him anymore. But, my experience with my Uncle has helped me become a more kind and more respectful person because you never know the emotional situation other people can be in.